Saturday, August 20, 2011


Isn't this pretty?
I got it for my college graduation.

Yet I can not look at it without a sharp stab of pain to my heart.

I made my mother cry.

When I was almost 15 my extended family stepped into our situation and offered me the opportunity to live and finish high school with them.  Since I was "on the wrong path" at home, my mom reluctantly agreed.  It was something that I wanted  more than anything.  My mother always saw the move as temporary - one that she would put an end to when she moved closer to where I was and the school I was attending.

Her plan did not go well and at 17 - with a year left until I would be a legal adult my extended family fought for me and won legal guardianship.  And my mother, unable to see where she did anything different, take any responsibility, she just couldn't  understand.  It was about this time that the quote for the blog happened.

She was sure that everyone was against her and I was brainwashed.  Our extended family had turned me against her.  And would begin a bitter and acerbic tirade.  It continues to this day if you tap that root.

Graduation and College later, she is still bitter and family encounters are tense and sparse.  But my guardians would be at graduation and I want it to be a fun and celebratory day - so when my mom called about making plans to come to it, I quite plainly told her I didn't want her there.

And she cried like I had just ripped her heart out.

And I caved in.  All throughout this life we, and extended family too, have never set out to hurt her - she is loved by her siblings, I would wager, more than loved by us, her kids.  It's an odd definition of "love" when your dealing with an "off" parent.

Anyway - she came.  She pouted at the table where we all sat, but she didn't tirade (I don't remember one anyway) and she gave me this music box as a graduation gift.

You know what the song is?

"Wind Beneath My Wings" because I was her hero.


Wednesday, August 17, 2011

PUT IT DOWN: how she can't pass anything by

I took my mom out the other day.  She keeps picking things up.  Paper, labels, cans, and watch 
out places with free brochures!  She stockpiles.

I don't think anyone else wold find it unusual - but it is embarrassing to me and then we end up with all this paper junk - that she is NOT willing for us to toss because she is "interested to read it" even though that point never really manifest itself.

So walking from store to car she stops to see what some misc paper on the ground is and I have to say "Leave it there, you don't have to take it with you!"  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.